The Gates of Heaven were heard to slam shut earlier today as one of the major exponents of criminal filthiness was found to have died of both death and old age. The coroner, who undoubtedly will be called in, will pronounce death by Covid-1984.

There will be served a government edict to hold national mourning for one of theirs, a royal chasing Greek sailor, inveigling their place into a global criminal elite. On pain of fines and imprisonment all who defy the mourning regulation will be rounded up and incarcerated, to mitigate the responsibility of a criminal cartel whose alleged laws and diktats have been found to have been baseless and totally unsubstantiated.

Such are the desperate moves by an ever deeply encircled criminal cartel that their adherence to bullshit and lies grows ever more ridiculous as the days pass. Very soon it is expected the first four horsemen of the Covid Apocalypse are to be dragged out of their holes, incarcerated before their trials of the centuries. Yes, plural centuries, as this will be the start of the greatest legal case in the history of our isles.

Its impact will be world shattering, find out why here

Comments from the street are pretty much of one accord, when told an old, withered creature alleged to be called The Duke of Edinburgh had died:

“Did you hear of the death today of the Duke of Edinburgh?”

“Who?”

“Didn’t know Scotland had a Duke!”

“Duke Ellington died?”

“Aw, my gawd, how shocking! So the babies blood did not work?”

An American caught on vox pop, responded, “Heck we need less Dukes in this place, they are rampant. We got a Duke that fits all – Duke o’ Earl – why can’t you Brits be satisfied with a single Duke like us?”

Perhaps it is that he has a point. So many Dukes, Duchesses, Lords and Ladies is the reason we British never seem to get anything done in a timely manner. So perhaps one less will be a future blessing.

As for all those wishing to watch their hard earned income spent on a lavish, useless funeral and wake, we wish them closure as they rummage their back drawers to pay for the next meal or the bus ticket down to the jab centre where they will willingly sign their own death warrant, though they will never know or admit to that fact.

Royalty ought to be left to the Hollywood screen or fairy tale books as in the real life it offers only penury, theft and dereliction to those that worship such anachronisms. Each to their own, however this organ of truth falls on the side of “Who needs a Greek sailor to bring us the feel good factor?”

On a completely different tack, anyone wishing to donate to the Pedophile Trust, I fear you have happened upon the wrong article.